sinking ship

O' Allah,
I pray to thee
to give me strength
to face the challenges
which lay beyond me
for I
am starting to wither
within my own battle
Thou art the greatest of all
show me thy mercy
and
bless me with thy love
then I shall
sail this boat of life
with the bravest
and strongest heart

barely breathing

thanks for letting me know that i was just an option...or you might think i'm your last resort..
but i'm not interested in being one of your options..
so it's time for me to say goodbye..
and slowly..
i'm fading away from your life...



i know what you're doing
i see it all too clear
i only taste the saline
when i kiss away your tears

you really had me going
wishing on a star
but the black holes that surround you
are heavier by far

i believed in your confusion
you were so completely torn
it must have been that yesterday
was the day that i was born

there's not much to examine
there's nothing left to hide
you really can't be serious
if you have to ask me why
i say goodbye...

cause i am barely breathing
and i can't find the air
i don't know who i'm kidding
imagining you care
and i could stand here waiting
a fool for another day
but i don't suppose it's worth the price
it's worth the price
the price that i would pay

everyone keeps asking 
what's it all about?
i used to be so certain
and i can't figure out
what is this attraction?
i only feel the pain
there's nothing left to reason and only you to blame
will it ever change?


cause i am barely breathing
and i can't find the air
i don't know who i'm kidding
imagining you care
and i could stand here waiting
a fool for another day
but i don't suppose it's worth the price
it's worth the price
the price that i would pay
but i'm thinking it over anyway
i'm thinking it over anyway....

i've come to find
i may never know
your changing mind
is it a friend or foe?
i rise above
or sink below
every time you come and go
please don't come and go

now is the time...

sepi sekuntum mawar merah

semalam pergi bank settlekn urusan koperasi n pergi beli makanan..then dekat radio pasang lagu sepi sekuntum mawar merah by ella...hurmmm...
and now the song stuck in my head...

Berulang kali kumencuba
Memujuk hati
Lupakan semua
Kenangan

Namun mimpi bertemu lagi
Di saat engkau
Tiada di sisi

Ku berpegang pada janji
Tercipta..antara kita dulu
Hilangmu tiada berganti
Biarlah begini

Ku belayar di lautan
Tidak bertepian
Sesekali disedarkan
Ombak yang mendatang
Aku seperti hilang
Punca arah dan tujuan
Aku puisikan namamu
Bersama rindu
Di dalam sendu

oath

it's hard for me to let it go
as it suffocates me even more
to lose you once more
is to hard to handle
i must be crazy
for making this kind of decision
but for now
i've decided to wait
patiently waiting for your heart to decide
i've decided to wait
as long as my heart could bear
if we are not destined to be with each other
for better or worse
for richer or poorer
in sickness or in health
at that time
i'll take my own direction
we'll walk in different paths
but for now
i'll stay
and
i'll wait
you can ignore me
but i can't ignore these feelings of mine
for what ever i feel is true

Gotta get up and try

I'm really thankful for what i've gone through these past few days..it's been a month already..

But i guess the happiness doesn't belong to me...just like the movie..something borrowed..

Somehow..Pink's songs have always suit my situations...

and at the moment...her song Try is accompanying my soul..

I hope time will fly fast and soothe this damaged soul..

O Allah please make me strong to face the days ahead..

Ever wonder about what he's doing
How it all turned to lies
Sometimes I think that it's better to never ask why

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, try, try
Gotta get up and try, try, try
You gotta get up and try, try, try

Eh, eh, eh

Funny how the heart can be deceiving
More than just a couple times
Why do we fall in love so easy?
Even when it's not right

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, try, try
Gotta get up and try, try, try
You gotta get up and try, try, try

Ever worried that it might be ruined
And does it make you wanna cry?
When you're out there doing what you're doing
Are you just getting by?
Tell me are you just getting by, by, by

Where there is desire
There is gonna be a flame
Where there is a flame
Someone's bound to get burned
But just because it burns
Doesn't mean you're gonna die
You've gotta get up and try, try, try
Gotta get up and try, try, try
You gotta get up and try, try, try
Gotta get up and try, try, try
Gotta get up and try, try, try
You gotta get up and try, try, try
Gotta get up and try, try, try

You gotta get up and try, try, try
Gotta get up and try, try, try

it ain't drama

well.. we often watch dramas on television..
and we thought that it was a fiction.. just an act..
we never thought that it can happen in real life too..
well most of the dramas are made based on true stories..
but i never thought that it's going to happen to those people who are very close and dear to me..
ujian Allah..
Allah will never give a test to those who are incapable of handling it..
i hope she's going to be strong and may Allah replace the emptiness with someone better..
semua yang berlaku ada hikmahnya..

2013

looking back at those past years..i'm glad and grateful for things that happened..
they made me who i am now..
years full of happiness..joy and sorrow and regrets..
those moments made me wiser and stronger to face 2013..insyaAllah
and i really hope that..Allah would grant my wishes for 2013...
may 2013 become a meaningful year and a better year for us...
i will always pray for us...insyaAllah
and i hope u do the same~

cerita dia

sempurna
cerita yang tak sempurna
apakah alasannya
siapakah di hatinya
bahasaku
mungkin tidak seindah
lafaz kata pujangga
namun ku bersumpah
rela ku tunggu jawapanmu
masihkah aku ada di hatimu
saat ini
biar tubuhku kan terpaku
biar jasadku tak bernyawa lagi
sampai nanti




relaku tunggu jawapanmu
masihkah aku ada di hatimu
saat ini


saat ini...




drama band - cerita dia

the results

i forgot to update my kids' results..
alhamdulillah ada peningkatan for this year's PMR compared to last year although the difference for GPMP is only 0.09 but alhamdulillah...it's still an improvement kn..
no one got A, 4 students with B, 11 C and 18 D..out of 42 candidates only 9 failed..
so 2013..i'm gonna get my kids to work their asses off since it's gonna b d last PMR and let's end it with a bang!heeee..ameen

Fidelity

i think i should blog again..
as i'm getting old and i can't remember clearly what i've said or done...

well...
i have a new habit now..since i've installed an app in my hp..
where i can search for lyrics of songs that i listened to..
so while driving..when i listened to songs that i found interesting and catchy..
i just search for it using the app..
well i'm not going to talk about the app...
(but it helps me a lot coz previously when i listen to new songs..i was like..ok later i'll google it and download..but when i was in front of my lappy i've forgotten what i was supposed to do..)

well...
this one song by Regina Spektor..Fidelity..it is a nice song...

i never loved nobody fully
always one foot on the ground
and by protecting my heart truly
i got lost in the sounds
i hear in my mind
all of these voices
i hear in my mind
all of these words
i hear in my mind
all of these musics
and it breaks my heart
and it breaks my heart

suppose i never ever met you
suppose we never fell in love
suppose i never ever let you
kiss me so sweet
and so soft
suppose i never ever saw you
suppose you never ever called
suppose i kept on singing love songs
just to break my own fall
break my fall

all my friends say
that of course
it's gonna get better
gonna get better
better better better

i never loved nobody fully
always one foot on the ground
and by protecting my heart truly
i got lost in the sounds
i hear in my mind
all of these voices
i hear in my mind
all of these words
i hear in my mind
all of these musics
and it breaks my heart
and it breaks my heart




ha-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-ah-art~~~

damaged

My damaged heart

I slave myself

To become a fool

So I stay

Even if it hurts

It's better hurt

Than feeling nothing

At least I know

These feelings are real

The questions are

How strong can I bear with the ache

And how long do I have to wait

years

years... she tried to mend the heart.. feared that it will break again.. if she ever lets others touch it.. years... others tried to convince the heart.. to give chances for happiness.. if she ever lets others touch it.. one day... she tried to be brave.. to open the door.. to give it a try.. to be happy again.. to believe that she deserves it... if she lets others to touch the heart.. but... it seems like the path that suddenly appeared in front of her... is not the path to happiness.. not her path but..others.. perhaps... she would find the right path.. the right place for the broken heart.. if she lets the right person to touch it.. p/s: things happened for reasons, and Allah knows best~

mimpi

mimpi mainan tidur pelarian realiti ke alam fantasi mimpi mainan angan mencipta kenangan yang tak kesampaian mimpi...

pmr

Dengan lafaz Bismillahirrahmanirrahim.. Dengan nama Allah yang maha pemurah lagi maha pengasih.. well.. it has been ages since my last post...and referring to my last post, alhamdulillah,,i have survived my days until now..for 7 months... and today is the big day for my form3 kids... PMR... hopefully everything is going well...smooth sailing... may Allah guides my kids throughout the days.. 9 A's kids...insyaAllah... ---cikgu eh yg comeh lobih~~ my prayers to all my kids~

it's been a month already

sedar tak sedar..
it's been a month already..
so many things that i want to talk about..
my experience working in a small school..
teaching students with low proficiency..
their attitudes towards my class...my subject.. etc..
but again...
whenever i feel like blogging..
all the ideas suddenly disappear..


what i can say is that..
i realize one thing while teaching my form 4 students, continuous writing.
they have too many ideas that they want to cramp everything into one sentence.
they cannot think for a simple sentence.
because they translate everything from mother tongue.
they're so used to writing in Malay, so they want to do the same when writing in English
ended up..cikgu yang pening how to create those sentences in English..

and today i feel soo tired..after teaching three classes, six periods...
it's not that i don't like teaching these kids..
but today lagi banyak marah dari mengajar..
and when i got angry..i'll feel 2x tired than normal day~
T_T

new school

alhamdulillah....
now i can no longer call myself "penganggur"
i got posted on 20th Feb to Sekolah Menengah Rendah Agama Jempol, Bahau, N9..
and right after i met the pengetua, GPK1, HEM, Ketua Panitia and the staff..i took 4days mc due to my allergy..mata bengkak~
and last week my students had exams..ujian penilaian kurikulum 1..
and i'm currently marking their papers..

so..HOW'S SCHOOL??
ok..basically..my school is a sekolah agama bantuan kerajaan...
so banyak kekurangan dari segi infrastructures, facilities and resources..
and the students' proficiency level...hurm..sadly..it's quite low..only few that could really understand English...
most of them..they'll stare at you blankly when you speak 100% English with them and they'll just either nod or shook their heads..
i really have to start from basic..i have to make them understand that He is for Male and She is for Female.. and tell them the difference between its and it's... etc...
not only that..
Classroom Management!!!!
as for my Form2 and Form4..i guess it shouldn't be a problem...kot..
but form my Form3...haiyeeeee....
they just don't know how to sit on their own chairs...
the boys who sit next to the windows will do surveys on how many people walk by or how fast a motorcyclist ride his/her bike...
ect...
nak kena ugut bayar RM10 baru nak senyap..

T_T

and one more thing..i'm staying in hostel~~~
i really thought that once i finish my study..no more HOSTEL LIFE for me~~
urghhhhh...


oh yeah...
i think..soon..i'll become a true N9 resident..
in terms of the language that i use...

i find myself calling my kids like my sister's teachers
saying stuff like "tak do...tak dapek.."
and even calling them "ey bang.."

well...
let's see if i can survive few more days...












ni yang den raso nak kawen copek...den taknak dok kek asrama!!!!!!

padi oh padi

yes..
every time lalu jalan nak ke pekan gemas..akan lalu sawah..
yes..in gemas we do have paddy field..but somehow i feel the view is quite different from the paddy field in kedah..
sawah padi kat kedah lagi cantik..
why?
coz the people there know how to tanam padi..
they did not simply tabur biji benih..after biji benih dah bercambah..
anak2 pokok padi tu akan "disulam"..untuk mengelakkan persaingan antara pokok2 padi..
that's why when the paddy grow, they look pretty...
but here...pokok padi tumbuh rapat2..and ada bahagian yang botak..tak ada padi..
and the paddies look like rumput lalang je..hurm..
definitely different vibe from the beautiful scenery that we can enjoy in the northern part of peninsular malaysia~

heart

her heart is made of glass..
fragile and easily broken..
once shattered..
very hard to fix and stick 'em back together..
she tries to mend the broken heart..
to make it stronger..
to make it shatterproof..
and so she creates a wall..
surrounding her glass-heart..
it is made of steel..
so the next time when the goblin came..
he can't break her heart anymore..
only a true bladesmith..
that can break the wall..
and own the fragile heart

open sesame~

here goes the famous saying..
when one door closes...another one




OPENS~

well..i hope the door opens ASAP~